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Subject:Nobody's Perfect
Time:02:16 pm
Last night I got pretty drunk just after work. I knew better. I knew my stomach was empty and that I was drinking a heavy drink poured by Tom, who was well in the sauce. I knew better.

Nothing really bad happened that I can remember...But the next thing I knew Tom was giving me this big speech about how I was mean to the resident rich-girl-slut-pothead (she's not really a slut, just looks like one.) The reason I feel bad is because although I'm insanely jealous of her buckets of money, I really like her pretty well. She's been better this semester and didn't deserve what Tom says I said.

I wrote her a note and I'm gonna put it under her door ('cause she's at work) and then I hope that will be okay until I can apologize in person.

I just feel so damned bad. And then I admitted to Tom while I was drunk that any small mistake I make I must "atone" for and other such things important to me, albeit wrong, in my head and now I'm afraid he'll think I'm a crazy bitch like his last girlfriend. I KNOW he doesn't feel that way, but I just, I guess, well I just wanna do my best.

Anyway, I can only stew on it until I feel better. I don't know how to fix that, and never have. Don't know what to do about making something right. Don't know what to do with my feelings of guilt and I don't know how to forgive myself.

I feel like a perfect heel. But then, nobody's perfect.
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tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-19 06:05 am (UTC)
*HUGS* That's rough. Really. But some things just can't be taken back of course. I wish I could say it could all just go away, but, well, you and I both know otherwise. Don't be *too* hard on yourself though. It was a bad thing, but you're apologizing right? That's something in itself. Lots of people wouldn't do that, because they hide behind being drunk. Just remember that it doesn't condemn you or anything.

Believe it or not, when I remember what happened when I was drunk, I feel a mixed sense of regret. Not for the innocent fun we were having beforehand, but for what happened in the end. I shouldn't have let it happen, and though admittedly, it was fun, and things could have been so much worse....I ruined something I can't go back on, you know? I can't just say 'whoops!' to that, because in a few hours time I managed to ruin something I'd been determined to make special.

I think the thing about that, and the thing about your actions too, is that more than apologizing to others, we have to apologize to ourselves, you know? I mean, in your case, you did something that wasn't right by you, so you need to not only apologize to the girl, but to yourself.

Doesn't sound like that makes much sense altogether...but I hope you get some comfort and advice out of the whole deal
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(Deleted comment)

tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-19 09:45 am (UTC)
no, you haven't done *one* thing wrong. You've done multiple things wrong, over a vast amount of time, and you need to do so much more than apologize to make it better. Like stop posting in her journal when she wants you to stop talking to her. Stop popping 'out of the shadows' to tell her one last thing.

And if you have anything to say to me, find a spot on my journal. Thank you.
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ginotora
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-19 09:17 pm (UTC)
Hear hear!
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(Deleted comment)

tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-20 08:40 pm (UTC)
You shouldn't even be reading her journal if she wants you to get lost. This proves you are still obsessed, and you will never get anywhere near her good side while you act thus.
Delete her name from your LJ list. In fact, leave LJ. All you seem to use it for is to follow Tabby. Stalker.
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(Anonymous)
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-20 09:14 pm (UTC)
Hi jason, this is Tom, Tabby's Boyfriend, let's review:

Tabby doesn't want to hear from you for a very Very long time, if ever. If she does decide she wants to talk to you again it will be her decision and she will contact you. Now then, let me be plain and let me explain to you what this means since you do not get it yet.

This means not trying to call her, not leaving her voice mails, not calling her family members to try and contact Tabby, not calling her family members because "you haven't talked for awhile and you're concerned, generally not hounding and annoying her family as they are nice people but DO NOT WANT TO BE BOTHERED BY YOU, not visiting her house to see if she's in, not driving by her house to see if she's in, not constantly asking if she'll be in Niceville sometime soon, that you have money to go somewhere with her if she's in Niceville, not leaving her multiple messages while she's away from AIM and making it sound like the biggest drama in the world that she isn't responding to you and that you're having a breakdown because of it, no more guilt trips on Tabby, no more yelling, screaming, pleading for her to talk to you, no claiming "you were drunk so you didn't mean any hurtful remarks you said" to try and make her feel bad because she doesn't talk to you, and lastly since we're here, no more commenting in her LJ, she doesn't want to talk to you or reply to you in any way since any form of communication(even deleting your posts) just creates another spike in a stalkers frequency of trying to contact their prey.

I hope that lists makes crystal clear what you are not to do for a long time. You have had 2 threats made of a restraining order upon yourself from Tabby and her family. Understand you are wrong, and let time heal things if even time can heal the multitude of fucked up things you have done. I'm sorry to be telling you this but honestly it has to stop. In the past Tabby was okay with talking to you once or twice a week in order to sate your needs because if she didn't you would annoy and bother the ever loving shit out of her family, calling her mom while she's working at the hospital for example crying and sounding manic just because you hadn't talked for awhile. She begged Tabby to talk to you some just so she wouldn't have to hear from you anymore. Understand that what you have been doing is wrong, your needs do not super cede an others.

If you continue with what you have been doing for months a restraining order will be sent to you. If you continue after that charges will be pressed. There's only so much one person should have to take from someone they do not wish to be associated with. Understand that. I'm not forcing her to do anything by the way in case your brain popped that up. She's been sad about this situation for a long, long time and it's time it stopped.

Move on with your life. There are a lot of people out there to choose from. This one does not want you. Continue your search for whatever you need because Tabby will not be fulfilling this requirement for you anymore.

Good Luck,
-Tom
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julieandrewsluv
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 03:47 am (UTC)
This is Luci. You just earned a fucking butt load of brownie points Tom. You rock.
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ginotora
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 01:47 pm (UTC)
I TOLD him he'd get more browny points. :)
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tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 05:45 am (UTC)
I'm in agreement with Luci. I haven't been able to get to know you much, but you now officially rock with much awesomeness. Have some sushi and bathe in your new full-sized swimming pool of brownie points.
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ginotora
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 01:48 pm (UTC)
Cute. **giggles**
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(Deleted comment)
(Anonymous)
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 12:14 am (UTC)
Tom here again, This is from Wikipedia, look at the above post of mine and see if any of them might apply to your behavior:

"Stalking is a legal term for repeated harassment or other forms of invasion of a person's privacy in a manner that causes fear to its target. Statutes vary between jurisdiction but may include such acts as:

* repeated following;
* unwanted contact (by letter or other means of communication);
* observing a person's actions closely for an extended period of time; or
* contacting family members, friends, or associates of a target inappropriately;"

We have three out of four positively identified there. I don't know if reading her LJ daily would constitute the fourth but I really hope you're not watching her house with binoculars, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I'm not sure which of the sub-categories for stalkers you fall into but here are two that seem apt:

"Rejection stalkers: pursue their victims in order to reverse, correct or avenge a rejection (e.g. divorce, separation, termination)."

"Intimacy seekers: feel mistreated and hope to either resurrect a failed relationships or compensate by seeking revenge. Any attention is better than none."

You Jason, are a stalker.
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(Deleted comment)

tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 12:44 am (UTC)
So now your name is also more important than Tabby's feelings eh?

And I'd like to point out that any form of talking basis with a person forms a relationship. just not nessecarily a romantic one. You want to ressurect a talking relationship with Tabby, and pursue her relentlessly in doing so. Hence 'Rejection Stalker' she rejected you, you don't accept it. there ya go.

And OCD does *not* I repeat, DOES NOT mean continuously talking to someone when they've threatened you with restraining orders. OCD is obsessive complusive disorder, but it normally portrays itself in ways such as cleaning, inability to stand having disorder of thier belongings or situations that have no consistency, hording (also known as collecting, where one feels they must collect many things).

and claiming OCD or any mental thing does NOT excuse your actions. It means you need help, and should therefore be trying to do all you can to counter the desire to do these things that 'tarnish your name'!

That's right. It's your actions, not our words, that affect how people see you. You act like a stalker, that's what you are.

And congratulations! You FINALLY DID SOMETHING WE'VE BEEN TELLING YOU TO DO!
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tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 12:45 am (UTC)
Hey, Tom, considering his denial, one has to wonder what his definition of stalker might be eh? 9_9
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(Deleted comment)

tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 02:17 am (UTC)
If it looks like a rose, and it smells like a rose....

although I hate using the term 'rose' when refering to you. I would use 'stinking pile of hippo dung' but that's degrading to the hippo. Maybe I'll just call you Michael Edward H. It's the worst insult I can imagine for you, though you've no idea waht an insult it is.

We call you a stalker because it's what you are. You match the profile and everything! Exactly what do you think a stalker is that you aren't? What does a stalker do that you don't?
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julieandrewsluv
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 03:46 am (UTC)
You make me want to shoot you in the fucking face.

YOU ARE A STALKER. And who are you stalking? Taffa, as usual.

And just to bitch slap you a little more, why the fuck does everything have to go back to you? As the following quote states:

"As I have proven over the past few days. When i wrote that message to you over aim I was drunk." <--hey, lookey there! Stalker can't stop talking about himself and his problems with Taffa! How very stalkerish of him.

And here's a couple more quotes I want to comment on:

"WHat i have is OCD its called obsessive compulsive disorder. Its hard to get over and hard to control at times. I am on medication for it but even then its hard." <--Now here's another Sruffy-ism; let's blame things on my problem instead of getting over them! You know, most people are ashamed of the fact that they have OCD or attempt to keep it quiet and between close friends. But oh, no you. It's a crutch to lean on every time things start to get hard. God forbid you stand up and say "I'M A STALKER." Because you are, you fucking stalker.

"Far too long ive let people walk all over me. Lead me on, trick me, insult me, use me. It stops now." <--HA HA FUCKING HA. More like you've been walking over people to get to Taffa. You disgust me beyond belief.

And you know what? I have AAAALLLL the rights to say this to you because you've been such a bitch to Taffa, me, and the rest of my family.

Furthermore, DON'T POST HERE AGAIN. You want to have a pissing conest over this, e-mail me and we'll hash it out. Oh, and believe me, I'll win. Because I'm right and you're wrong, you STALKER.

Back to TAFFA, since it's HER journal and we should be talking about HER instead of YOU for a change.

-----

I think everyone's done some stupid shit when they're drunk and since most people know this, they're usually good with forgiving others. I think she will forgive you and you two will get along again like you had been doing. It'll just take a little work.

And don't feel like a heel. Broadway/movie stars like us are never heels. *hugs* I command you to love yourself. NOW.
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tieran
Subject:OCD
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 05:54 am (UTC)
almost forgot. I do in fact know what OCD is, and I know what it actually does. I will not go into it further than that. I do not wish to delve into where my personal knowledge of OCD came from, suffice it to say I too used to see a therapist and know members of my family who need it more than I.
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(Deleted comment)

tieran
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 05:50 am (UTC)
What the hell do you call it when you refuse to leave someone alone after two restraining order threats?

What do you call posting on here after Tabby specifically told you not to contact her anymore?

and a month is not 'in my past days' !!!!!!! six months is not 'in my past days' And a year is still not 'in my past days' UNLESS you have done something to prove yourself different!! WHICH YOU HAVEN'T.

we're trying to get you to fucking leave Tabby alone, get the hell away from her life! you wanna say something to us individually, put it in OUR LJ's or send US an email! I'll dance with you all night and all day, because the things you did to Tabby just aren't forgiven with a 'it was in the past' and you'll NEVER UNDERSTAND IT.

Oh, and if our opinions mattered not to you, then why the hell are you throwing hissy fits at us? hmm? very cool there. And a very good way to prove you're better than you were.

I'm on to you about this because of the many times Tabby would IM me saying 'I'm hiding from Jason, bye!' or the many times we'd be hanging out and you would call NON-STOP, but if you insist on putting those in the past, then I'm onto you because SHE JUST TOLD YOU TO STOP CONTACTING HER AND HERE YOU ARE IN HER LJ OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

It's *really* simple Jason. you don't want to see our posts about you? Don't post in Tabby LJ. Because until you do, we're not gonna stop! It's quite simple actually, I'm sure even an infant can tell that if it hurts to stick your hand in the flame, one should stop doing it. Those who repeat an action constantly expecting a different result are INSANE. That's the definition of insanity 'repeating a situation or action with the expectation of a different result'

We aren't going to welcome you back anytime soon. I never welcomed you. And Tabby will not welcome anyone back who slanders and curses HER FRIENDS.

And if you can't see my points, here they are, all lined up for you

**************************************************************************
-two threats of restraining orders and still not backing off = stalker

-even if you put all these actions we hate you for in the past, there's still the fact that you're following her life in her LJ and such after she told you leave her alone

-everytime you post here, your punishment will be the expected posts telling you to stop and calling you stalker. This should be learned from.

-as much fun as it is to finally vent to you all I've withheld for years, I really don't want to spend the rest of my days conversing with you. It leaves me contaminated. Instead, I want you to stop posting here.

-this is Tabby's LJ. you want bitch at someone, email us. She isn't talking to you.

-You are making this all the worse for yourself. Stop posting here
**************************************************************************

And to close

Everytime you post here we punish you with terms like 'stalker' and tell you to stop talking to Tabby. This is generally considered a discomforting thing to most. Most people want to stop doing something that discomforts them thus. Your failure to learn from this demonstrates a lack of intelligence that goldfish would mourn over, or at best a twinge of insanity. At worse, I believe the medical term for what you have is 'being an arrogant ass' and is sadly incurably in cases as profound as yours. Perhaps you ought to hang a sign around your neck so that chicks will feel sympathy for your condition, but will know you are unfit for anything beyond a drunken easy lay. Ruth apparently knew this after all, though she told me she regretted it right afterwards when you wouldn't leave *her* alone either.
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ginotora
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 05:35 am (UTC)
Hello, all my friends and fam. I'm just letting you guys know that I'm going to post and communicate and such (fully) probably Saturday or so. Just wanted to let you know I'm not just letting this stew over here without any input.

I'll also reply to all the helpful and kind things you, MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY, have said.

Ciao for now and take care. >^-___-^
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julieandrewsluv
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 01:15 pm (UTC)
*LUV* As soon as I get the money I'm buying you a Cher doll.
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ginotora
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 01:51 pm (UTC)
REALLY?!!!!! **HUGSTODEATH**
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tahnit
Link:(Link)
Time:2006-04-21 07:11 am (UTC)
Tabby i honestly never meant any harm. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to upset you or your family. I never meant to call you so much, I never meant for you to hate me. I never meant anything that i did. However i did it and im fessing up for it. No matter what i say all of you are going to turn it around on me so i give up.

Tabby remove me from your friends list please. I have done the same. I have removed you from my phone and aim as well. I am done hurting you. Ive tried to get better..ive tried to do better..to be a better friend and i failed miserably. So i give up..you win.

Goodbye. Maybe ill run into ya later in life. Perhaps ill be a better person then i am now.

if you wish to speak to me personally about this matter, you know my email address. I will not be reading this LJ anymore.

Everyone else. Sorry for causing trouble. Sorry for any insults, curses or slanders i have thrown your way. It just got too heated, and for that im sorry.
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